Exploring the pros and cons of the ‘talking stage’: Get to know them, then let the dating begin

(Photo by: Josh Hild)
(Photo by: Josh Hild)

As a connoisseur of romantic-comedies, I love a good “meet-cute,” the part in the movie when the couple meets for the first time in some zany way and have an instant connection while La Vie En Rose plays softly in the background. But rom-coms aren’t real, and dating is far less dreamy than most cinematic portrayals. 

The “talking stage” is a phrase used to describe the cautious beginning of a relationship. It is both exciting, confusing and a bit aggravating. The talking stage is a good way to maintain a safe distance while you try to figure out if you have any chemistry with this person. Overall, I think it serves a healthy purpose when it comes to dating. 

 Maybe this is my introversion speaking, but personally, I find it rather absurd when someone asks a person out when they have just met and/or barely know them. This date is based on little more than physical appearance. Is that enough to survive a first date? Wouldn’t it be better to be familiar with the person, to have built the beginnings of a relationship?

Taking a few weeks to talk virtually will answer a lot of questions. You may learn that you are simply not compatible and have saved yourself from sitting through an agonizingly awkward date.  

I once talked to a guy for a couple weeks. We had a lot of chemistry. And then I mentioned feminism, and he went on a tirade of how privileged women are and how he’s never seen in this day and age a woman who has faced any kind of oppression (Somebody restrain me before I get on my soapbox). 

While I could respect his opinion, our beliefs on this topic differed so much that we parted ways amicably. By having this conversation, we saved ourselves from the hassle of meeting and possibly becoming more emotionally attached before discovering our differences.

The beauty of the talking stage is that there is no pressure to commit. You can get to know a person without labeling it a “date” and can possibly remain friends even if you’ve written each other off as a potential spouse. 

The talking stage should not drag on forever. If there is chemistry,  connection and no billowing red flags, then it’s time to meet up for a date. 

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