Written by: Noreen Moise
Editor’s note: The following article is written in partnership with Counseling Services and the Southern Accent.
We all have a relationship with being alone. This may sound paradoxical, yet it is true. When the relationship is healthy, being alone is productive and therapeutic. When the relationship is unhealthy, being alone can be a challenging and negative experience.
To understand this better, let’s look into the definition of loneliness. Psychology Today describes loneliness as feeling a logical uneasiness from being or perceiving oneself as being alone or solitary. Loneliness is not merely feeling alone. It is feeling uneasy about being alone.
Our relationship with loneliness can be tricky. One can be interacting with others in a room full of people and still feel lonely. Loneliness will make you think you are all alone, and you are alone in being alone. Loneliness feeds itself with more loneliness.
So how can we change this negative cycle? According to an article published on SpringerLink, one way is to mindfully regulate your time spent alone to make it valuable and enjoyable. You do not have to go through being alone mindlessly or defeatedly; you can take charge of these moments. You can plan for them to be productive by working on a project or engaging in a fun activity, such as shooting hoops at the gym. When alone, you can decide what you want to do with your time. The next time you feel lonely, try positively changing your relationship with being alone and make it a positive experience.
A negative relationship with being alone has more profound implications for mental health than we may realize. According to a research article published in 2021, loneliness is a predictor of college student distress. College student distress may cause less sleep and more worry. These, in turn, may affect the student academically, making them feel more alone. This creates yet another cycle of loneliness and despair.
One way to combat loneliness is to embrace belonging. According to Iowa State University, belonging is the emotional need to be a part of and be accepted by members of a group. In Maslow’s famous Hierarchy of Needs, belonging is the third level of human need.
How can you embrace belonging? The fact that belonging is a need is part of the first step, which is to understand that you need to belong. You need to belong to a friend group, a class group or a club. According to another article published on SpringerLink, a sense of school belonging is good for students’ mental health, social wellness and academic success.
The next step towards belonging is knowing that it is learnt. Some may seem to be magnets in belonging to groups. However, anyone can be good at belonging after some practice. You can start with making a friend over a common interest. Then, you can join a sports team or art club. There may be some trial and error and awkward moments. However, it is worth the effort. So, embrace belonging with open arms and see how to make belonging fit your unique needs and personality.