Doubt: Where God meets us at the foot of the cross

Written by: Nina Bueno

I doubt a lot. Probably just as much as the next person, or maybe even more sometimes. I doubt that I will do well on a test. I doubt that that guy really does like me. I doubt that the plan God has for my life really is the best thing for me. I even doubt that I will ever be able to know what that plan is.  

But I’m also a Christian. And as a Christian, I’m supposed to have faith. Faith that things will work out according to His plan. Faith that even though I don’t know what the plan is, for now, I must follow the light at the end of the hallway: a light that is sometimes bright on a night that Vespers is vesper-ing and I feel the Spirit moving but sometimes dim as I’m stressed and overwhelmed and I doubt — again. 

But why do Christians doubt? It seems double-minded, contradictory, to profess so much faith in Jesus but then find yourself doubting. You start to wonder how strong your faith was to begin with, and why, when you pray, the answers don’t come. But what if doubt, though disheartening, can actually help us grow in faith?

Doubt makes us realize that we cannot do anything alone. We are powerless; we cannot live by bread alone; we can do nothing without God. And this complete dependence can feel horrible. It can feel like God is not there. But He is: “If I go up to the heavens, You are there; if I make my bed in the depths, You are there” (Psalms 139:8). 

And it is also in this place, this often “horrible,” dependent place, that we learn to call on God for everything. It is when we realize our true powerlessness that we rely on His power; it is when we grow tired of bread that we eat of His word; it is when we realize that we can do nothing alone that we claim the promise of God’s power to do the impossible in us (Philippians 4:13). Doubt is what brings us to the foot of the cross. And faith in that cross is what carries us through to eternity.  

But what does this faith look like practically? Mark  9 tells the story of a man whose son was possessed by demons. As a father, he was desperate, longing to see his son healed. But when he went to the disciples, hoping that they could heal his son, they were unable. Shocked at their inability to heal his son, he was overwhelmed with doubt. When Jesus arrived on the scene, he cried, “Teacher, I brought you my son, who is possessed by a spirit. … I asked your disciples to drive out the spirit, but they could not. … But if you can do anything, take pity on us and help us” (Mark 9:17-22). 

Jesus met the father where he was. He met him in that depth of doubt and called him to claim His promises. “‘If you can?’ said Jesus. ‘Everything is possible for one who believes’” (Mark 9:23). What happens next is beautiful: “Immediately the boy’s father exclaimed, ‘I do believe; help me overcome my unbelief!’” (Mark 9:24). 

That is what we must say when we call upon God, when we experience doubt. Doubt does not suggest that our faith has been extinguished but that it must simply be renewed through prayer.  And as we continue to ask the Lord to help us overcome our unbelief, our faith will become stronger and stronger through Jesus.