Written by: Emily White
Some people have a word or phrase that they live by for the year. I thought that was a pretentious idea until last semester when I inadvertently found myself applying a phrase from my counselor: “Don’t try so hard.” I decided to continue with the semesterly phrase, and my motto for this fall is: “Be vulnerable” (alternate translations include “Put yourself out there,” “Make a move” or “Stop living in fear”).
For me, this doesn’t necessarily mean having the courage to share my most intimate thoughts (though it might for you!); rather, it is a call to myself to get over my fear of interacting with other people.
For a shy person like me, even smiling at new people on the promenade is a leap outside of my comfort zone. What if they don’t smile back? What if they glare at me instead? What if they clobber me just because I smiled at them?
Aren’t these silly and irrational thoughts to be running through my head? There is a very low chance that someone will punch me on the promenade because I am extending a simple smile; reasonably, the worst that will happen is that someone might respond to my smile with a look of confusion or maybe a frown — truly unimportant in the grand scheme of things.
But what about interactions where the negative consequences are more significant than a stranger frowning at me? What about asking a classmate to study with me after class one day? What about randomly inviting acquaintances on a spontaneous Sabbath evening hike? What about telling a friend that I am romantically interested in him and would like to go deeper in our relationship?
In these instances, I am putting more of myself on the line, exposing my heart and soul to varying degrees of potential rejection.
The more I reveal my true self, the more internal barriers I run up against, and I am sure this is the same for most of you. So, to protect ourselves from rejection and the pain that ensues, we often refrain from reaching out to other people.
Is this, however, the most fruitful way to live our lives? If we are constantly living inside a safe little bubble, how are we ever going to see the beauty that lies outside of it? By locking ourselves in a social jail cell, how will we ever feel the warm sunlight on our skin, see the butterflies, smell the September flowers and hear the birds in joyful song? Is the risk of sunburn really going to keep us from venturing outside and having fun?
Similarly, why do we let our fear of rejection control us? True, rejection is not ideal, but what if the risk is a very small price to pay for the good things that can happen instead?
What if my classmate agreed to join me for that study session, and then another, and we end up becoming friends?
What if the people I invited on that spontaneous hike agree to come along, and we end up exploring new places and making great memories? What if my friend also wants a deeper relationship with me? I will never know if I don’t speak up, and neither will you. In the end, our vulnerability can make life all the more beautiful when putting ourselves on the line turns out to be worth it.
Editor’s note: Maybe your idea of being vulnerable is to write for the Lifestyle column! I am happy to have contributors! Email me at wausten@southern.edu if interested.
