Written by: Abby Dizon
Editor’s Note: The following articles are written by counseling professionals from Counseling Services and psychology students in partnership with the Southern Accent.
College is a time for creating close friendships and forging meaningful connections. On the other hand, the hectic pace of academic life often limits opportunities for genuine conversations, leading students to engage in short superficial exchanges. Whether it is the rush between classes or finding a balance between work and commitments, these brief moments occupy a majority of students’ time and overshadow occasions for connections.
Although small talk has its benefits, it can also lead to the suppression of feelings, resulting in hurried and reflexive exchanges. Instead of fostering a culture of superficial communication, let us strive for an environment where genuine care and active listening are valued.
Forget about the “fake it till you make it”
I have experienced moments where I tried the “fake it till you make it” strategy and avoided delving into my feelings. Instead of expressing how I was truly struggling, I decided to keep it bottled up, despite feeling overwhelmed. I had to learn that the key to genuine conversations lies in being authentic and vulnerable. This does not mean always sharing your life story, as it can overwhelm others, but rather expressing your true emotions and struggles.
Sharing your genuine emotions and vulnerabilities not only lightens the weight off your shoulders but also fosters a safe space for all individuals to be open and authentic.
Sometimes, trusting others enough to share your innermost thoughts encourages them to follow and share their own experiences and vulnerabilities, resulting in shared moments and challenges.
Follow-ups
Try to commit to a follow-up after engaging in a genuine conversation where you actively listened to and recalled the key points. By referencing your past conversations, you demonstrate your genuine care and engagement in the other person. Apply your active listening skills to the follow-up conversations by referencing what was previously said. I have often experienced follow-up conversations where it felt like a repetition of questions the individual had previously asked, and I had answered. These instances serve as a reminder of the importance of active listening and connecting with others.
Ask for stories, not answers
Another tip for cultivating more meaningful conversations involves avoiding overused questions such as “How are you doing?” and “How is your weekend/week going?” This often only results in standard answers and does not typically spark engaging discussions. Instead, try prompts such as, “Is there something you are excited about or looking forward to this weekend?” Doing so, you encourage others to delve into their experiences through questions that encourage storytelling or reflection, leading to deeper conversations.
Be Present In a fast-paced world where small talk is a placeholder for genuine care, meaningful conversations are invaluable. When time permits, connect with others by taking time to check up on them. This will offer a sense of support that disingenuous, superficial exchanges simply cannot provide. Through meaningful conversations, we are reminded of the importance of being present for each other, making our interactions more fulfilling and authentic.
