By: Johanne Mendoza
Like many other students, I visited a coastal city for spring break. It was mainly to relax and take a break from studying. However, rather than finding peace, my mind was full of regrets and what-ifs.
It happened when we parked at the local university, just in time for everyone to leave their classes. The university looked picturesque—like the ones I idolized in the movies growing up. There were houses lined with sororities and fraternities, streets with cafes and parks where I could study.
I grew resentful and compared my private, small-town college life to the lives of those who passed by me. I started thinking about what-if scenarios and wanted to start over. I felt that my quiet life didn’t amount to anything great or memorable.
While reflecting, I recalled a quote from one of my favorite fictional books, If Cats Disappeared from the World by Genki Kawamura. In the novel, the main character faces difficult choices and regrets his mundane life. However, at the end of the book, he realizes that his life is full of joy.
Kawamura writes, “Sure, there will always be regrets and broken dreams, but you must go easy on yourself. Over the last few days, I’ve realized those regrets are beautiful. They are proof of having lived.”
The end of the book put things in perspective for me. Kawamura pointed out that love is all around us, even from people or moments we do not understand. It made me treasure the small things and reflect on my moments of pain.
I am not just my academic achievements. I am more than a student, more than a second daughter, more than someone’s girlfriend and more than what people perceive on social media. I am my own person, created by a God who sees all my flaws and loves me despite them.
After reflecting on the quote and reading some helpful tips from Psych Central, I realized I had to face my negative feelings and not run away. Forgiving myself allowed me to have self-compassion.
The article by Psych Central suggested mental contrasting, which is a way to delve into practical steps of achieving the goals rooted in our regrets. It recommended finding the small joys within our circumstances. Seeing regret as proof of living helped me overcome my negative thoughts and feel more at peace.
After this realization, I was able to embrace my spring break. The air felt warmer, the sunsets seemed brighter and the waves that hugged the sand reassured me that everything would be okay. Finding beauty in every season of life will help carry me through even the mundane moments.
