– Edward Backer
For many, navigating a romantic relationship in high school was tricky. But managing the balance of a relationship while dealing with the pressures of college? Talk about playing the game in hard mode. Still, it is arguably one of the most rewarding things you can do, as the learning curve will grow and mature you. So let us look at ways to help you successfully and effectively balance these relationship dynamics.
All healthy relationships are based on effective communication. You must communicate your thoughts and feelings to your partner — what you expect of each other and your boundaries.
John Gray, Ph.D. said in his book Men Are from Mars, Women Are from Venus, “We mistakenly assume that if our partners love us they will react and behave in certain ways — the ways we react and behave when we love someone”
Assumptions and lack of communication are poison for any type of relationship, as they place an unfair expectation on the other person to do the work for you.
One of my favorite quotes from Gray’s book points out that “Men mistakenly expect women to think, communicate, and react the way men do; women mistakenly expect men to feel, communicate, and respond the way women do. We have forgotten that men and women are supposed to be different.”
So, to create a firm foundation for your relationship, deal with those areas of communicative differences and learn to better understand your partner’s style of communication.
No matter if you have been dating for two years, months or are still in the talking phase, maintaining independence is critical.
Bonnie Ray Kennan, a certified relational life couples therapist wrote in an article that spending time pursuing interests, goals and friendships outside of a romance develops your “self-confidence, personal growth and supports the formation of a more robust partnership”
Whether it is diving deep into a hobby, joining a new club, or choosing a life group that resonates personally, devoting time to furthering your individuality will benefit not only your future self, but your relationship’s health as well.
Trust and respect are the foundations of any sound relationship. Be reliable, honest, supportive and respect each other’s differences and points of view. One method of establishing trust and integrity is setting boundaries. These must be respected because they are limits that denote what is acceptable and what is not to ensure mutual respect.
The first step is to “take time to reflect on your needs, struggles, and how it’s impacting your relationships,” as doing so will give you a clear idea on what limitations are necessary. Next is communicating your boundaries kindly and assertively. Doing so out of anger, frustration, or spite will lead to conflict, in which case it is important to handle it well.
The National University editorial contributors wrote a list of tips for working through conflict including “active listening, making eye contact and giving your partner your full attention as they speak, and responding appropriately”.
Remember, conflict is natural, but how people handle conflict is more important than the actual conflict itself.
Now while tending to a relationship is important, you are a college student first and foremost. Academics must take priority, so it is crucial for you to manage your time wisely so that you spend enough time in your relationships without losing valuable time meant for studying.
The Harvard Summer School blog writes that “time management isn’t just about sticking to a rigid schedule—it’s also about giving yourself space for change”.
Remember, achieving a balance between academics and relationships is key. By prioritizing your studies and allowing flexibility in your schedule, you can maintain healthy relationships and excel in your academic pursuits.
