By: Maddie Schmidt
We live in a world where being just a phone call or text message away has become the
norm. Friends can reach us between classes, family members can check in from miles away and
group chats ensure we’re rarely out of the loop. However, that convenience has also created an
expectation that we should always be accessible.
For some college students, that can make it difficult to distinguish between being
available for others and making time for themselves.
Emma Prather, a freshman social work major, explained that she feels a particular
responsibility to always be reachable.
“I do feel pressure to answer texts immediately because I feel an obligation to people, and
I want them to feel like they can rely on me,” Prather said.
For other college students, however, that expectation doesn’t weigh on them as much.
Catherine Ross, a freshman allied health major, said the expectation to always be available
doesn’t dictate the way she responds to people.
“Unless it’s actually important that I respond quickly, I almost never respond
immediately to text messages,” Ross explained.
Being on the other end of the phone, however, can sometimes be just as daunting.
Addisyn Friesen, a freshman nursing major, shared that she feels the negative effects of her
friends not reaching out or responding to her in a timely manner.
“Sometimes it’s hard because I feel like I put more effort into friendships and
relationships than people put into me,” Friesen stated. “I think I give my all to people I love, and
oftentimes it’s not reciprocated.”
This is where it becomes complicated. On one hand, the expectation to always be
available isn’t always realistic, but on the other hand, being consistently available can be another
way of demonstrating that you care about someone. The lines can be blurry sometimes. When
does being a dependable friend turn into feeling like you always have to be accessible?
Sometimes, although we want to be dependable friends, we might have to establish boundaries.
Ross said sometimes she needs space to have a mental reset.
“Sometimes I need to make myself unavailable for a while for my own well-being,” she
said.
She went on to explain that disconnecting from her phone helps her recognize how much
better her attention span and focus are without it.
Friesen likes to disconnect from her phone by using an app that temporarily locks her
phone when she needs to concentrate.
“Whenever my phone is locked down,” Friesen stated, “it makes me realize I use my
phone a lot more than I realized.”
These are two different approaches to the same goal. Ross intentionally establishes
boundaries around her availability, while Friesen uses technology to help her create distance
from technology, but they are both creating a little space between themselves and the constant
stream of notifications.
Ryan Yoon, a junior health science major, said he enjoys disconnecting from his phone
and the constant socialization that comes with it, particularly when he goes camping.
“It is always so refreshing to enjoy the outside world for myself instead of trying to live
someone else’s life through social media,” Yoon stated.
Disconnecting isn’t just about avoiding distractions; it’s also about stepping away from
the constant exposure to everyone else’s lives.
Prather experienced the benefits of disconnecting when her parents took her phone away
for the final six months of her junior year of high school. She noticed improvements in her
grades, found studying easier and felt less irritable.
Disconnecting isn’t always easy. Students still want to maintain friendships, participate in
social activities and know what’s happening around them.
Ross said being afraid of missing out on a social opportunity is something that makes it
difficult to disconnect.
“Honestly, I do sometimes worry about missing out if I don’t keep a constant eye on my
phone or notifications,” she said. “FOMO [fear of missing out] is something everybody can
relate to in some way or another.”
Ross went on to explain that sometimes allowing herself to miss out on things is actually
another way to stay present.
She said it’s important to schedule alone time so she doesn’t burn out socially.
“Scheduling that time for myself guarantees that I get it while still leaving time to spend
with others, spontaneously or planned,” Ross said.
Being unreachable all the time isn’t necessarily the goal. It’s about finding a balance between
being available to others and making time for yourself. Being connected and being constantly
available aren’t the same thing.
Sometimes, spending time on your own can be just as fulfilling and important as
spending time with others. Yoon said putting aside time for himself has made it easier to focus on
enjoying the moment when he spends time with his friends.
“I love spending time with myself because I’ve come to the point of reflecting more on
myself,” he explained, “and that allows me to be present with my friends when I do hang out
with them, instead of worrying if I’m missing out on anything.”
In a world where nearly everyone is just a notification away, learning when to step back
can be just as important as knowing when to reach out. Being a good friend doesn’t mean
answering every message immediately, and being present doesn’t require keeping up with
everything happening around us.
Sometimes, making room for ourselves means accepting that we can’t be everywhere, respond to
everyone or experience everything all at once.
