By: Rhett Seitz
Have you ever felt out of place, awkward or socially weird? When I was younger, I was always desperate to fit in. I wanted to be one of “the cool kids.” I always felt like I was on the outside looking in. I wanted validation.
No matter how hard I tried, I always had this gut feeling that I was not fitting in. I thought, “What am I doing wrong? I am trying to be like them, and they are not accepting me.”
We live in a culture of both spoken and unspoken social norms that puts a high value on “looking cool.”
An example of this is the unspoken rule that whoever does not take charge first, wins. We don’t want to text first because it might make us look desperate. We don’t want to raise our hand in class because we might look like a try-hard or we are afraid of being wrong and looking incompetent. We don’t want to strike up a conversation with the person standing next to us in line because it might be “awkward” or “cringe.”
I’m here to burst the bubble: being yourself, as different as you might be, is not cringe. Being like others to fit in and playing it safe doesn’t make you cool; it just makes you miss out on life. Specifically, YOUR life.
The people you are worried will judge you will not care about how you act or look a year from now. Society tells us we must act a certain way to be accepted by others. As a result, we don’t risk rejection, and in doing so, we don’t risk anything at all.
However, being different and unique—in other words, being yourself—is the ultimate superpower.
I was not always like this, nor did I always have this mindset. So, what changed? I realized that my strategy of trying to be like others was keeping me isolated. The reason I wasn’t making the connections I wanted wasn’t that I didn’t fit in; it was because I was hiding my true personality behind a mask of normalcy. I did not want to be made fun of or have weird faces made at me.
I realized that if I wanted a genuine connection, I had to stop worrying about looking cool and start risking rejection. I experienced this breakthrough during my high school homecoming week. I wanted to participate in the ridiculous theme days, but I was terrified people would think I was weird. I decided to take a risk. To my surprise, instead of making fun of me, people loved it. It was my first glimpse at the fact that playing it safe doesn’t make you cool.
You fit in more when you are bold enough to speak up first and be the outlier. Most people will not reject you for making the first move and being yourself. In fact, most people are silently hoping a unique new friend will pop into their lives to spice things up. If they do reject you, plenty of other people are out there willing to accept you.
People like you more when you are brave enough to be yourself. After all, the more unique you are, the more likely people will remember you. I realized the reason why the popular group was not accepting me was that I was trying too hard to be like them, and that group already had enough people like them.
In short, people may come to like you because of your quirks and the unique qualities you bring to the table.
The reality is that most people, including “the cool kids,” are just as terrified of rejection as you are. They aren’t looking for someone who fits their mold; they are looking for someone brave enough to be different.
When you bring change to a friend group or the normal social order, you aren’t being cringe—you are being a leader. You are more worthy in other people’s eyes than you realize. The awkwardness, which everyone feels, is just a mirage created by apathetic social norms.
When you try to be yourself, even if it means being weird, you break down barriers and allow more people to appreciate you than if you tried to act like the cool kid.
Just recently, I put this to the test by going to see the Super Mario Galaxy Movie with some friends while dressed from head to toe as Luigi. Despite the weird, long hat and taped-on mustache that likely would have made others hesitant to wear it, I got mostly high-fives. My costume sparked hilarious conversations with both the young and the old, and I ended up having an unforgettable time with my friends.
If I had let the fear of being cringe control me, I would have just been another guy in a plain T-shirt, blending into the background. Instead, I embraced what I love, and it was a blast that turned into a memory I will never forget.
Long before society created these artificial rules, Psalm 139:14 reminded us that we are “fearfully and wonderfully made.” God didn’t create you to fit into an apathetic social mold; He designed your quirks and unique traits on purpose.
Be yourself! Don’t be afraid to look foolish just because you are different! If people judge you for being different, let them. You will be too busy enjoying the rich, connected life you are building to even notice. You’ll be so much happier being yourself than living up to some social norm that won’t matter five years from now.
You’ll be amazed at how many doors will open by just being you—even if it goes against the artificial social norms our world has created.
